Just for Laughs – Sugar Sammy’s International Gala
Place des Arts
July 27, 2017
Photos and show notes by Eva Blue
Dj YO-C spun some old school music to prep the crowd with a lot of Michael Jackson, a sprinkle of Aretha Franklin, Fresh Prince…
Then Sammy. The sugar of Montreal life. Names translated movie titles from English to Quebecois then segues to 12 Years a Slave or St Jean Parade 2017. Oh. In Quebec we’re so open minded, we call our slaves volunteers. 375 video. All white celebrities. He’s the only A list ethnic celebrity but he refuses to be on the video with people making less than 30k.
United States Latinos. Canada is too cold. We don’t need a wall. We have winter.
America. Went there. So sensitive. Putting a woman in power would be too advanced. They need a KKK break. In the states, mix all your fears with Jesus. Jesus was black. No he wasn’t. Yes she was. See what he did there?
Don’t say you’re late, this is Montreal, everyone planned for it. I planned for it. I came in May. Says you can’t blame mayors. Toronto had a crackhead for 8 years.
Michael Mittermeier is German.
Being German is a problem for comedians because they’re always trying to give the correct answer. Don’t try to be funny at US immigration. You’re on drugs. I can see it in your eyes. Your pupils are small. I can’t see my eyes. You’re on coke. He corrects them. No coke makes eyes big. Pot makes it small. He loves America… for bringing Europe closer together.
Britain’s Daliso Chaponda doesn’t like bullies but he’s not vindictive. He doesn’t want them to go through Chemo, he just wants them to be on Jerry Springer.
Finnish comedian Ismo Leikola claims the English language has too many silent letters. In Finland, you pronounce all of them. He moved to the US and is baffled by the language and its nuances. They say bad things about your mother when arguments get heated. In Finland, if you say your mother is a fat bitch, they ask you where you know her from.
Studied English for years. Went to America and realizes he doesn’t know shit. Says ass is the hardest word to understand. Like tip of the ass berg. Lazy ass just means lazy. Stupid ass is just stupid. Ass is optional. Grown ass man. The entire man is grown. Not merely the ass. You can add ass to anything to make it cooler. I just bought this blue ass shirt. Ass can flip meaning like badass, which is good. Bad is bad but badass is good but dumb ass is still dumb.
Australia’s Wil Anderson: Vaccinations. Got flu vaccination and walked into people’s cough. Even drank their drinks. He didn’t get the flu but got hepatitis c.
Urzila Carlson. South African moved to New Zealand. She has a wife and planned 2 kids. Even lesbians can plan for kids. No. The dildo exploded. Expecting Tupperware soon. Lesbian relationships are romanticized. All relationships are the same. After 6 months, they’re the same. You’re with some fuckwit who drops gobs of wasted toothpaste in the sink. Early in the relationship, you make out. Why don’t they kiss like that anymore? I saw you brush your teeth.
Loyiso Gola moved to England for his career. Why not America? People get shot in America.
Canada customs. Weird questions. Are you a terrorist? Really wants to ask if they caught anyone by asking that question.
Canadians are privileged. Toilet paper. Serviettes are the same. So privileged you have cooking shows. On the show, they say there’s too much garlic coming through. That’s what garlic does. Kids in 3rd world countries should be food judges. If they don’t eat it, then it’s not good. White guilt. Some people not laughing. He says he’s an expensive African. To support him he needs more than a dollar a day.
Vir Das: Christianity and Islam need to get along. Hidus can say that because they’re in the middle. Americans must do what they do. Make a dumber version of it. Call it Chrislam. Celebrate Hallaloween. Dress up as people who scare you.
Women here are beautiful. They dress sexy. Men say they’re asking for it. If she’s asking for it, she will just ask for it. For women life is Amazon.com. Men just want to get some. Women’s bodies are like Canada. Mens bodies are like Kuala Lumpur. Once you’ve seen it, that’s it. Don’t need to see it again. Undressing an Indian woman is an Olympic event. So much to take off. 99 positions in the Kama Sutra because they’re just trying to find an opening in a sari which is rolled up.